Hey y’all 💕 Welcome back to my blog (:

I know it’s been a while, and I’m so sorry to anyone that’s been waiting on me to make a post... Medical school just caught up to me, and then life, and just yeah😬 I definitely do want to get back to writing consistently again, so hopefully I get back on track starting today.

Anyways, I took my first medical school midterms! Whew, chileeee. Here’s the thing: medical school is not hard (at least not so far).. it’s more so just ALOT of work. Like, I wish I could just stop time for a few hours (or 40 lol), and it would give me time to actually get through everything and understand it... but I can’t. It really seems like there are just not enough hours in the day fr, but that’s medical school right? Yeah, well anyways, I was putting in WORK the couple of weeks leading up to that exam. Me and my study partners took over this one study room, and we’ve pretty much transformed it into our own space. We each have our own little area, and we have a cute pink beanbag chair for us to nap on, blankets, our own coffee machine, a diffuser, and most importantly- HELLA WHITEBOARDS. At this point, I’m ready to stop paying rent in my apartment and just bring all my stuff to school, because I literally live in that room lol. I’m there every single day Mon-Sun, and I even had my first all night sleepover in there🥴 it’s officially real now y’all lol. Welp, that was the night before the exam, so I went into my exam on no sleep... but I did manage to cover all of my material. And being completely honest, the exam wasn’t THAT hard. There weren’t too many questions that I was super confused about or anything... the problem was that it was LONG, and I didn’t finish😭😭 ugh. It was tragic. Just imagine doing all that studying, knowing your stuff, only to not be able to finish the test... it just felt like such a waste of my time. I wish that I just had a little more time to think, and work my way through the test. Unfortunately though, that’s not how medical school works. Lmao because when the test was over, I asked the professor like, “What happens if I didn’t finish?”, and that man shrugged his shoulders at me and walked away lmfao😭 So now I was tired, pissed that I didn’t finish my test, and also scared that I was gonna fail- not because I didn’t know it, but simply because I ran out of time. That makes it even worse in my opinion. And I also panicked at the end, so instead of at least going to put an answer for all the questions I didn’t get to, I literally just left them blank so I didn’t even have a chance at getting them right. Just stupid🤦🏽‍♀️ So anyways, once I left, I went to my car and cried lmao. But once I got myself together, I gave it up to God... I told him I did my part, so there was nothing more I could do at this point, which is straight facts. The test was over now, so wtf was being sad about it gonna do for me? Really, it was gone be what it was gone be... and that’s just something I was gonna have to deal with when the time came, fr.

Luckily though, God was on my side lollll. I PASSED MY MIDTERMS, even though I didn’t even answer a good amount of questions. I just wanna take a second to say THANK YOU GOD AGAIN bc whew, I was worried lol. That was just the mid-unit though, so now I have my end of unit exam in approximately 28 days!! (I have a countdown on my phone lol.) I took the night off after the exam, and then the next day I spent some time making my study schedule to get prepared for the end of unit. I have a couple things I want to do differently this time:

1) I want to stay on schedule! Since it took me a couple weeks to get adjusted when I had first started school, I was already behind from jump. Now that mid-unit is over, I am right where I need to be on my material, and I just hope I can have enough self discipline to stick to my schedule and get it done!

2) I want to be finished getting through the material by at least 3 days before the exam, so that I can spend those final 3 days just reviewing. My problem this time is that I was still going over some material for the first time right before the exam, so I wasn’t as familiar with it. That’s probably why it was taking me so long to think through the questions. My hope is that if I’m more familiar with the material, then I’ll be able to get through the exam faster, and actually finish it! That shouldn’t be a problem though, as long as I stick to my schedule...


So I’m doing all this talk about sticking to my schedule, but the truth is, I haven’t left my bed in two days... a friend of mine passed away this past Friday, October 18, and it really hit me kinda hard. Like really hard. It’s not even the fact that me and him were necessarily THAT close, but I definitely have good memories of him whenever we were talking or hanging out. I think what hurt me the most was that it was so close to home. There are sooo many people that I am extremely close to that are really close to him, and it seriously felt like I've been feeling everybody's pain. I don’t think I quite understand death for real. The fact that he was literally posting on his Instagram story just a few hours before people were tweeting RIP to him. It’s the fact that literally ANYBODY can die at any moment, and we have no say so or no warnings. I know that it’s God’s plan, and we can’t question him... but it’s still kinda hard to wrap your head around, you know? It’s the fact that soo many people’s lives were changed forever with his passing, and they will never be the same again. It just doesn’t really make sense, and it hurts, and it’s scary... and idk. I don’t even have the words to describe it really. I guess my way of coping with it has been living in my memories these past couple of days. For those who don’t know, I am the world’s biggest picture hoarder... and I finally figured out that I could upload all 250,000 of my pictures/videos to google photos, and look at them right on my phone. So that’s what I’ve been doing. I’ve laughed, cried, and just remembered all the good times I’ve had with people. That’s what matters fr. And I don't feel guilty about taking a couple of days to just be by myself with my feelings. That's what I have to do to recharge my own spirits sometimes, and I can't feel bad about that.

I’ve seen SOO many people posting about Mikey ‘Playboi’ Peel, and the impact he had on their lives. So many people touched by this one man. I was touched by this one man. He had a positive spirit about him that you just never really forget. And the fact that EVERYBODY saw it and spoke on it, just shows how genuine of a person he was. A brother, an amazing friend, a son. I’m crying right now while I’m typing this, but my prayers truly go out to anybody whose lives will never be the same without Mikey. To anybody who was ever touched by him. To anybody that he made laugh, or feel proud. To anybody that he helped to BELIEVE IN THEMSELVES... because I know he did all of that for me. I can honestly say that Mikey is one of the main people who supported me with Beauty and Brains before it had even become anything... when it was only an idea. But that’s just who Mikey was, right?

I think something we can all learn from Mikey is that the most important thing we can do on this earth, is leave with a legacy that inspires people even after we transcend. I, personally, don’t want to be remembered for my looks or my clothes, but rather for the impact I have on people. I want people to remember me for my personality. I want to be remembered for being genuine and having integrity. I want to be remembered for inspiring others, and being a good friend. All I know is, if I can die and have even half of the impact Mikey had on others... then I lived my life the right way. What do you want to be remembered for? Think about it, and then make sure you live your life that way every single day... because tomorrow isn’t promised.

I want to take this moment to fr fr say thank you to anybody who has ever supported me in any type of way. I appreciate anybody who has ever made me laugh, smile, or made me feel valued. Looking at all of my pictures/videos, I have sooo many memories with so many people. Regardless if you're one of the closest people to me, if we've only hung out once, or even if we've only talked a couple of times online... all of y’all have had an impact on the person I am becoming. I love every single one of you. And I mean that, 100%. From now on, I’m not going to hesitate to tell people I love them... and regardless of whatever situation, I just want to make sure I can help somebody in any way I can. I want to continue making memories, laughing, taking pictures/videos, and just living life to the fullest! That’s who I want to be... and I’ve been this way, fr, but now I’m coming to terms with the fact that anybody can go at any moment... and I don’t want anyone to leave not knowing that I love them, or I don’t want to go not knowing that I left my mark here.

Mikey, thank you for leaving your impact on this world. You truly went out like a King, living your BEST life. You are the GOAT. Thank you for being an amazing friend, even from a distance. And thank you for inspiring me, even after your death. You gone live on forever, for sure🙏🏽🤞🏽

...and to anybody who has ever taken any pictures with me, from like 2004 on wards... YOU ARE NO LONGER SAFE ON YOUR BIRTHDAY LMAO😭💖 and by anybody, I mean ANYBODY!

I love y’all so much. Continue to be great, and strive to be better everyday. We got this🤞🏽

Until next week,

-Janet Maia💕